Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 37

 20/12/2024

Dear Diary,

A lot of people will be having end of year knock off drinks now, the last Friday before Xmas.

I'll go for a swim and have a beer at the bay afterwards.

I did the last shift for the year with C this week.

We went once more to the mall.

No natural light.

3 hours exchanging one item of clothing- taking everything off the rack so that C could see it properly. Then we bought some xmas decos. 

I gave C a gift and was a little sad not to receive one from them, for the times I put their earrings in, for the times I didn't say going to the mall isn't great for anyone's health - for the times I worked 8 hours straight, getting the room ready for their overseas guest.

When I was a kid I would chase through the streets because I could hear the ice cream van warbling.. sometimes I'd find it, stand on tip toes and get an ice cream with a flake pushed into the cone. Other times I'd turn back despondent as the sound of the ice cream van receded before I could find it.

 That's what it felt like driving home after the last shift with C.

I've wondered sometimes over the last few weeks if I should have taken out a bullying complaint - made it formal the way I felt when I had to leave the job.. sat there in that office, just me and my manager. Their face impassive as they advised me that some people didn't like me, that I was seen as a negative member of staff and the clincher that made me get my things and get the train straight home - that my sense of humour wasn't appreciated.

It cut deep - I felt like the chime of the ice cream van was so far away that I may never savour that feeling of standing on tip toe asking for a Mr. Whippy with a flake in it.. ever again.

When I drove home from C's I put on a classical music channel, I do that sometimes - because it makes me feel like it's a soundtrack and I'm in a movie..

We only know the person in front of us or behind us on the motorway when we collide. It is then that we get out of our cars, point angrily at each other, inspect the dints of damage, exchange details and let the insurance companies deal with the rest.

I like driving at 40kms per hour - not on the motorway of course, but along suburban streets. I like to watch crows tug on takeaway wrappers and craw at their greasy finds..

I like to imagine all the lovely things in op shops, all the people walking along who are lonely, not as lonely as those sitting in cafes in malls, but out the house, for something to do. I like strip shopping on high streets, where people know your name, nod and bring you your coffee, shops that let the weather in, damp feet from the rain, or grumbles of hot and bothered families seeking solace from the sun.

The working year is ended now.

My income over the last few weeks is half what it was in the 'awful job.' 

I've cleaned houses in the past, picked up glasses in bars, cooked in cafes, done some things just to tied me over, till the next thing comes along.

Because it will.. like the chime of the ice cream van.. it will come.

 

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 35

 16/12/2024

Dear Diary,

I got two new clients.

A small amount of work.

A huge blessing!

Looking at what is trending on Twitter makes for an awful collection of words

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 31

 12/12/2024

Dear Diary,

We spent three hours in the hospital, whilst C had their monthly session on a drip to boost their immunity..

On every floor of the hospital so many people patients, nurses, orderlies & doctors made eye contact.

The hospital is old in parts.

The medical waste gargantuan.

We sat C & I  whilst the liquid dripped into her bloodstream, and talked about marriages, children, families.. we played music loudly in the car on the way back to C's and jigged around in our seats - a semblance of a car disco.

The next day I went to the blood bank - the option of donating plasma seemed like a good idea.

But my blood flow was slow, maybe I was dehydrated.

So they couldn't do the whole extraction.

I wanted to leave immediately - mortified that my body had failed me. But I felt faint and had to sit, drink a lot of fluids, eat salty snacks and be cared for by a team of such kind people that I cried.

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 29

 10/12/2024

Dear Diary,

Yesterday we finished prepping the room for the overseas guest.

It looked great.

As we went through the house C showed me a photo-book that friends had made her.

Her wedding.

Nights out.

Different hairstyles and colours.

Striking C was - back in the day.

But really it was only a year or two ago.

So different to who I see each shift.

And yet still there.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 26

 6/12/2024

Dear Diary,

Today we went to the mall - a big one, lots of mirrors and lots of shops.

We score a great parking spot.. get the electric scooter out and off we go..

And just like that C becomes invisible..

Visibility returns only briefly when C can't navigate the scooter through small isles, or can not veer quickly to avoid someone who is on their phone and therefor not looking around them. 

In the brief moments when visibility does return universally people assume an expression that is clouded with disdain.

Mobility Scooters Await The Men Grey Suits. 

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 25

 5/12/2024

Dear Diary,

As I go about my tasks at C's house - hanging out the washing, tidying the kitchen, making the bed and moving stuff from one room to another as the family prepare for an overseas visitor.. I am reminded of when my kids were little..

Those early days of mothering were long, the emotional and domestic labour relentless and the bouts of loneliness were frequent and overwhelming..

Many days I wished I had a wife, who would do all the things that needed to be done.. so that I could focus on not loosing my mind with the tsunami of stuff,  to be able to pause and take in the loveliness of my children, their quirky personalities, their need for me to be fully present & not distracted, not irritated and not resentful.

My kids are adults now and honestly I'm relieved.

There's a family who lives in the apartment opposite me. The woman, A looks more and more exhausted as her new born sucks life out of her and her rumbustious toddler yells NO! to her quiet questions and requests.

The dad , B returns home each night from work, fresh faced and happy looking. The mum A often thrusts the newborn into his hands at the foot of the stairs, whilst the toddler hollers NO even louder, now that there are two sets of ears to hear their lament...

As I mothered my new borns and eked out the maternity pay, endured sleepless night, loss of self and all the other attributes of motherhood, I was just starting out in comedy and would often quip about not getting any sick leave, holiday, pay or superannuation..

As I go about my tasks as an NDIS worker, being paid an ok hourly rate. I wonder about all the women doing all the unpaid work and emotional labour of child rearing.

And I wonder who will be tidying up the Notre Dame Cathedral for Trump's visit, putting out the flowers, making sure that there is toilet paper in the toilets... I hope they get paid well whoever it is.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 24

 3/12/2024

Dear Diary,

It feels like I have been doing this work for a very long time - routines of other people's lives.

Reading the minutiae of other people's interactions. 

What goes where and why.

Who says what and why.

I've applied for countless other jobs on the app. Zilch...

And still zero appetite to apply for other work.

Bill Shorten Minister for NDIS didn't consult the Australian Music Therapy Association when he decided to decrease funding for Arts Therapy for NDIS clients. Bill was wearing a grey suit when he made that decision.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 23

 1/12/2024

Dear Diary,

C drinks decaffeinated tea with milk and one sugar. 

C drinks one cup throughout the day, asking that it be reheated when it cools down.

Occasionally C asks for the tea to be a little stronger, or that there be a little more sugar added.

A nice cup of tea is a simple pleasure.

To not be able to get up and make it yourself, precisely how you like it ..is a travesty.

Diary of and NDIS Worker Day 20

 27/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I went to C's house - the weather was hot and humid. Not the best combo for C.

An outing was rescehduled they watched tv instead.

We talk a lot about so many aspects of our lives.

They often cry from the frustration of there being a full stop end of against so many things that they can no longer do.

When I leave their home and step back into my own life my whole being tingles with gratitude...

Diary of and NDIS Worker Day 19

 25/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I spent 7 1/2 hours with C.

We went to an op shop. Oh what fun we had.

Yesterday friends came to visit.

One brought Sunflowers and news that they have bought a house.

The other brought news that The Spanish Dancer has arrived in their life.

When they left.

I felt the full weight of their news.

My Sunflower Friend will move interstate next year to work and live in their new house. I shall visit them. But will miss them too. The friendship is rich and rare - we arrived at the friendship via conversations we would have - me leaning on the fence of my old apartment - street level - a revelation of connectivity- my friend riding past - home from a long shift at work.

My Sunflower friend has the ability to sit still - listen with an unflinching intensity. We talk often about serendipitous moments, the way that roadside pieces of furniture - appear at precisely the right time. The way that when adversity hits we use the well worn practice of holding the line.. knowing that we have the ability to get through.

My Spanish Dancer friend - I have known for many years.. through the gruelling early years of parenting, to the exasperation of teenage years, to having adult kids each bringing their own twist on what it is to be a mother.

The well of sadness that they may not be here for much longer, is counterbalanced by the infinite joy to  have them in my life. Our greeting is always a belly laugh in anticipation of the sheer joy of spending time with each other. 

We have our own language and have had many long meandering conversations of shared wisdom and infinite love for each other. Often conversations are a revelation - we learn what it is to be a mother and a friend and to be with partners old and new...

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 18

 24/11/2024

Dear Diary,

C messaged to confirm a shift with her tomorrow.

There is nothing better on a Sunday night than having the purpose and dignity of work to turn up to on Monday.

& I did a gig today. Gosh it felt great to be back in the saddle.

Another man in a grey suit is trending on twitter 

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 17

 22/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I talked to G about their daughter L who needs a support worker.

It's like reading a very busy room.

L has no friends.

L's mother said that she is very tired, three times in the very short conversation.

When I write fiction I draw upon people I've seen on the street, or the image of a bird on a wire, or the way a manager might bully a staff member in a tone as sweet as honey.

Putting the pieces together of a life.. and how to help. Now there's a great story.

#workinpublishing is trending on twitter.

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 16

 21/11/2024

Dear Diary,

All through the day my phone lit up with alerts from the app.

I scanned them all.. applied for a couple of jobs.

I have applied for so many now.

It's a slow build this work.

I watched the Netflix show Buy Now! The Shopping Conspiracy a documentary that explores the psychology of consumerism and how corporations use it to increase profits.. 

The air that we breath the water that we drink is clear here in my corner of the earth.

But ...

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 15

 20/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I spent the day with C. 

A pattern has begun to emerge. 

We talked a lot.

& Listened to a CD they recorded 20 years ago. The music was easy going and open, like a breeze on a warm day.

C can't make music like that now.

Creativity is my engine and it was theirs.

I would combust without it.

I played music on the way home.

I have time off till Monday.

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 14

 19/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I spent another day with C.

At the end of the shift we went to the chemist to get her prescription.

The chemist was about 200 meters from the car park.

Time slowed right down..

Each step for C is a consideration, how her arms are supported by the handles of the walker, how her feet make contact with the ground.

We get on very well C and I. We laugh a lot.

This work is not like work. 

There are no KPI's, there is no task list, no computer to sit at, no tension coursing through me so viciously that I might throw up.

I listened to the news on the way home and heard that The High Court has ruled that a priest is not an employee of a church, therefore the institution is not liable to compensate their victims.

(tomorrow when I drive home I'll listen to some music)

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 13

 

18/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I did another five hour shift with C.

They had a bad night so stayed in bed the whole time I was there.

I made them cups of tea and brought them lunch.

We talked a lot and C shared their ongoing frustration about not being able to do anything around the house.

I offered to tidy up as if it were my house. Then I took the dog out for a walk.

They asked me to come again tomorrow. 

They were super grateful for what I had done.

I said I was super grateful for the work and for their gratitude. 

I listened to the news on the way home, Alan Jones has been arrested over allegations that he indecently assaulted young men.

 

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 12

 17/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I updated my profile on the app again, because whilst I'd like to just cook great food for clients the overwhelming request is for social support, going shopping, and cups of tea and chats...

Bluesky is trending on twitter.. everyone jumping ship to be heard and seen on another platform - because if it's not on social media it doesn't exist right?

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 11

 16/11/2024

Dear Diary,

No shifts today. Shame really because weekend rates are good.

Unexpected things: a friend and a family member reached out after they  read the blog posts.

I signed up for another agency, interview pending. 

I searched podcasts about NDIS - jeeps there are a lot - there's a lot to talk about.. 

I really wish I had more than one shift for next week. There's a few bills to pay and the time it takes to do a shift and get paid is long.

On the ap there is an offer to accept 'express pay,' at a fee, but the company is already taking 10%. I mean if I pay a fee and get paid quicker - then the money must be there right - so pay it straight to me - I've earned it.

When you log your hours there is an option to 'report an incident.' Not being paid feels like an incident to me.

Twitter is quiet about Trump choosing his henchmen today. 

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 10

 15/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I had another five hour shift with C.

I tidied up a bit, hung out some washing, drove her to the mall, where we drank a coffee together, then I drove her to her physio session.

C uses a walker round the house and an electric scooter when she's out.

The electric scooter is cumbersome to lift in and out of the car. 

When we got to the physio place the electric scooter alarm sounded, indicating that there was an issue and it should not be used.

C rang her husband. He arrived and pressed the red lever. The alarm stopped.

To be honest I felt stupid and wished I had some training and or knowledge of mobility aids to assist C in a more efficient way.

I don't even have a first aid certificate. I'll get one - it seems negligent not to have it.

I sat outside for a while when I got home thinking about all the ways that anyone from anywhere could come into this kind of work.

Messages from the app on my phone today:

Donna needs help shopping.

Provide social support and help with light housework to Maureen in Moorabbin.

Zoe needs help with her garden and meal prep.

Trump has 68 days to pick his team before inauguration day on Jan 20th. When I was a kid I really disliked musk sticks.. the flavour was odd and had no place in a kids lolly bag.

Diary of an NDIS Worker Day 9

 14/12/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I have my second shift with C.

It's like we are friends hanging out together for the day.

C's other carer was there.

The other carer has been doing this work for three years.

They gave me some advice about other platforms and agencies to try.

I asked them how they found it all, not getting sick pay or annual leave and having to pay their own super.

They said on balance it was about the same money they were getting in a corporate job. They quit that job because they had clumps of hair falling out from stress.

I 'worked for 5.5 hours today. Was relaxed, I played with C's dog Harry and dropped C off at a mall. C scooted off in their whizz bag wheelchair..

Was altogether a very relaxing day.. didn't feel like work at all.

I looked at Twitter for a while - Trump is assembling his cabinet. Some broken bits of crockery in there.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 8

 13/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I think that I am still in shock.

I had a job I loved, well paid, swish offices. I got made ongoing - two months later the business was sold and we got made redundant.

Months later I scored the job at The University. I was relieved and excited.

9 weeks later I quit.

Wasn't the job I was sold.

And now I have zero appetite to apply for anything that requires me to 'demonstrate my ability,' to do anything more than be kind or caring...

I don't even have the energy to be anxious about money.

It all just has to be ok.

No shifts today... 

I spoke to someone who suggested I go through a NDIS manager.. saying that it's less random than the app.

John in Thornbury needs help with his garden.

Lucy in Malvern needs help getting to an appointment.

Dawn in Reservoir is looking for a mature cleaner with own transport.

@BlueSky has picked up more than 700,000 new users in the week since the US election.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 7

 12/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I like to find a pattern or a habit that I can form quickly to overcome a sense of disorder.

I start the day by texting two friends 'good morning' and then get up and start the day. Open the blinds in a particular order, make my bed, have a coffee, write a while.

But I need more than that a lot of the time and try to build things into the day that feel like a pattern, a habit something that as a person living alone most of the time, brings a cadence to the day..a rhythm and feeling that a routine can carry me through good and bad times.

I've moved four times in the the last four years, new suburbs, new shafts of light over the furniture. Habits and rituals forming and reforming.. to bring a sense of steadiness in an unsteady world.

Writing this blog every day is helping me make sense of why I am where I am, post job, post marriage, post Kamala not winning the U.S election.

I'm reading a Season of Death by Mark Baker, he writes with pride and wisdom on the rituals and traditions he and his family incorporate into their lives. I am envious of the richness of these patterns - that have guided them through, births, deaths and marriages..

When I feel very anxious or overwhelmed I build in routines that ground me. It could be a walk to the bay after work, an exercise routine in the morning, a coffee with a friend that emerges as something that we 'always do.'

These routines come and go. When I was married we had rituals and routines, things we always did with the kids, with neighbours.. and then when I left the marriage there were new routines that had to be created. 

NDIS work is casual, and yet there is a requirement to help people with cooking and cleaning and taking them places, to be part of their lives in a meaningful way, be part of the fabric of their lives, become part of their habits.

I've been thinking a lot about the Ken Loach movie Sorry We Missed You, it's about self employment in the gig economy. A family spirals into debt, they are over worked and underpaid.

The movie is bleak, as many of Ken's movies are, but what I love is that the stories are not a Disney version of life. They are about ordinary lives and how many families and individuals have very few people they can rely on to make their lives work - a mother a father, for many that's it. For many it isn't.

NDIS work is a bi-product of so many aspects of modern life that dislocate us from each other, from ritual, from highly functioning families and communities.

I feel like I am trading in care and kindness to random strangers on  on an app. This is high end trickle down economics.. from the mad man in the white house to the person on the street. 

(Trump is choosing his cabinet and Putin is putting lurid pictures of Melania on Russian news..  )

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 6

 11/11/2024

Dear Diary,

I spent most of the day applying for NDIS shifts and spruiking my LinkedIn profile as a teacher of comedy teacher.

Then I saw C had posted on the app wanting someone for 5 hours a week and honestly I felt like I had been cheated on and or ghosted.

Look I don't know for sure how all of this works. But I envisaged that I would get connected with a few people and we would form a long and loyal commitment.

But this is more and more like a dating app, the longer I am on it. 

In my prime I was on 8 dating apps, because it's a numbers game right?

I'm not sure if I am deluding myself that the work will build and I will get a series of steady clients, but all I can do for now is keep going..

#Recount2024 is still trending on Twitter

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 5

 10/11/2024

Dear Diary,

My shift got cancelled tomorrow with C. But they offered 2 later in the week.

If I were looking for a 'proper job' I'd not be earning any money at all so I guess things are gonna be fine.

I've applied for 16 jobs and had two hits.

When I applied for my last job, that was the 21st application and only the second interview.

It's so good not be filled with dread of work on a Sunday night.

#recount2024 is trending on twitter...

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 4

 9/11/2024

Today I talked with a friend who is actually on NDIS - they gave excellent advice - stay true to me - & so I really love cooking great food. 

And apparently lots of people on NDIS need help with shopping and meal prep..

I hope that this is what I can do - the pseudo psych support really is A LOT.

And I know that I am great at holding space for people - but honestly I'd rather make some really beautiful food and leave it at that.

See evidence of great food I have cooked here..

https://www.instagram.com/fress_with_sless/

Also the thing is I can do a few things, but really I just want to do things that bring me joy.

In my last job, the one I quit - the one where I felt so tense I wanted to throw up all the time - the one where Sunday nights were a blur of dread..I came out the other end knowing that I simply had to do work that made me happy. And so, I hope that I can cook great food for people on NDIS plans and make money by teaching comedy workshops (via my linkedIn Profile ) 
And stay completely and utterly true to myself..

Because now the Democrats are saying Trump cheated - I mean it's not 2020..

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 3

 

9/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I met C.

Their very friendly dog bounded to the door when I arrived.

I was relieved to see that the house was tidy and clean.

It was like C knew me and liked me. Heartening really.

We made a cup of tea and talked for a while. They have a rare disease and other medical issues, they use a walker and require assistance every day.

We went to a mall for a cup of coffee. I have seen people like us in malls before. It's a particular look, two people, often a decade or so apart, no similarity, polite with each other but the body language implies a connection that is neither intimate nor disconnected and yet not quite perfunctory.

It was odd driving a virtual stranger around, their lightweight stroller in the boot, their story freely told.

It was a strangely demanding and pleasant day. Doing their dishes, folding some washing. I didn't feel subservient more an ally in their life.

I dropped them off to their exercise class, a high tech environment, where they will get one on one support to activate wasted muscles.

I'll go again to their house on Monday. C  said they will show me some photos of the time she strutted the catwalk when they were a successful model.

I'm glad the primary skills for this job are care and kindness. 

I know I should avert my gaze from the U.S but it's compelling that a country is more afraid to elect a woman than Trump.

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 2

 

7/11/2024

Dear Diary,

Today my phone pinged with numerous alerts about people wanting assistance with - getting them out and about, driving them to an appointment, cleaning and tidying.

My inbox fills with messages from jobs I have applied for. providing me with a low hit of endorphins  - will it be a good match? 

I keep calculating how many hours I will need to pay all of my bills and the mortgage. 

And feel like I can do it - in time. 

No shifts today though.

But I do have time to write, to read to think.

I sat in on an exit interview I requested to have with HR today and ended with:

I just hope that the next person who is employed is treated with more care and kindness than I was.

Trump has won with a majority to rule with a moratorium on care and kindness. 

Diary of an NDIS Support Worker Day 1

 7/11/2024

Dear Diary,

It's a lot like being on a dating app, the font is even the same.

I build my profile, and start swiping. 

Provide social support and help with light housework to Evie in Mornington.

I'm on this NDIS platform because I quit my job last week.

Had no choice really - got told my humour wasn't appreciated and some people in the office didn't like me. Ouch. So I quit. Needed some income quickly. Had zero appetite to demonstrate my skills in anything other than the simplicity of offering social support and some light housework. 

I do a an online training session on 
'Securing Your First Client.' A soulless moment - guided through the platform, no introduction to other workers. Told how we can build our own business as NDIS support workers, and we're off. 

Police check, working with children's check NDIS approved and the rates of pay are ok.

We're encouraged to have a 'meet and greet,' offer that for free, then take it from there.

But J from Bentleigh has had trouble sleeping because of all the medication they are on. They are unsure how to navigate the platform, and need someone to come out and help. They are embarrassed at how far they have let their life slip..

I slip into no judgment mode.   

And try not to let my eyes widen in disbelief.

'What is the best thing I can do for you today.'

J is between tears. She gestures to a painting she did with the last worker. A dapple of purples and oranges, floating there on the table that is so cluttered I can not imagine how they managed to find space to paint.

The cat eats his food, which is balanced between two chairs. His fur is matted and his eyes are watering.

The dishes I propose optimistically. I could do them whilst I'm here. The agreed four hour shift hovers uneasily ahead of me.

I focus on what J is saying, the litany of despair, the workers who have let them down. The shame of how bad she has let the place go.

I focus on what J is saying, suspending my disbelief at the piles of papers and other things,  the dishes higgedly piggeldy scattered across the sink and every surrounding surface close to the sink.

Of course there are rubber gloves. The unopened packet is a beacon of cleanliness in the chaos.

Mould blooms between stacked dishes. Rotten lemons are not to be thrown out. The organic garden awaits them. 

Help with organic garden was partly why I had swiped on this profile. The blinds are closed though. And as I begin to clean the dishes, my hope that this job will be what I expected fades.

As I sort and wash the teetering piles of dishes, J cries intermittently, catalogues her illnesses, medications and abusers. 

I go to the laundry to scrape off a froth of mould from a dish.A load of washing churns.

Been in there three weeks now. Don't have the physical capacity to hang it out, J tells me.

I don't offer.

Four hours later the dishes are washed and put away.

The carpet in the hallway is drenched in cat piss.

I avert my gaze from other parts of the house.

You've been great J says. When can you come again?

Let me take stock I say.

My throat stings from the stench of cat piss. 

 & Trump wins the election.