9/2/2025
Dear Diary,
This week I saw C twice.
The first time we sorted through their bedroom in readiness for a new bed.
I have never considered myself to be a patient person.
Maybe this is a new attribute.
I worked with a new client.
The best way to describe the work is psycho social support.
And whilst my income has dropped significantly I'm still happier and calmer than I have been in a long time.
Day by day.
That's all we got.
1.1.2025
Dear Diary,
Today I took a new client to an appointment.
We spoke a lot about incidental connection versus scheduled contact.
Sometimes it is the silence of a day, as debilitating as a shackle.
Sometimes it is the tinkling sound of a giggling child that can illuminate a day.
Sometimes a friend cancels, and the evening looms, a spectre of despair.
20/12/2024
Dear Diary,
A lot of people will be having end of year knock off drinks now, the last Friday before Xmas.
I'll go for a swim and have a beer at the bay afterwards.
I did the last shift for the year with C this week.
We went once more to the mall.
No natural light.
3 hours exchanging one item of clothing- taking everything off the rack so that C could see it properly. Then we bought some xmas decos.
I gave C a gift and was a little sad not to receive one from them, for the times I put their earrings in, for the times I didn't say going to the mall isn't great for anyone's health - for the times I worked 8 hours straight, getting the room ready for their overseas guest.
When I was a kid I would chase through the streets because I could hear the ice cream van warbling.. sometimes I'd find it, stand on tip toes and get an ice cream with a flake pushed into the cone. Other times I'd turn back despondent as the sound of the ice cream van receded before I could find it.
That's what it felt like driving home after the last shift with C.
I've wondered sometimes over the last few weeks if I should have taken out a bullying complaint - made it formal the way I felt when I had to leave the job.. sat there in that office, just me and my manager. Their face impassive as they advised me that some people didn't like me, that I was seen as a negative member of staff and the clincher that made me get my things and get the train straight home - that my sense of humour wasn't appreciated.
It cut deep - I felt like the chime of the ice cream van was so far away that I may never savour that feeling of standing on tip toe asking for a Mr. Whippy with a flake in it.. ever again.
When I drove home from C's I put on a classical music channel, I do that sometimes - because it makes me feel like it's a soundtrack and I'm in a movie..
We only know the person in front of us or behind us on the motorway when we collide. It is then that we get out of our cars, point angrily at each other, inspect the dints of damage, exchange details and let the insurance companies deal with the rest.
I like driving at 40kms per hour - not on the motorway of course, but along suburban streets. I like to watch crows tug on takeaway wrappers and craw at their greasy finds..
I like to imagine all the lovely things in op shops, all the people walking along who are lonely, not as lonely as those sitting in cafes in malls, but out the house, for something to do. I like strip shopping on high streets, where people know your name, nod and bring you your coffee, shops that let the weather in, damp feet from the rain, or grumbles of hot and bothered families seeking solace from the sun.
The working year is ended now.
My income over the last few weeks is half what it was in the 'awful job.'
I've cleaned houses in the past, picked up glasses in bars, cooked in cafes, done some things just to tied me over, till the next thing comes along.
Because it will.. like the chime of the ice cream van.. it will come.
16/12/2024
Dear Diary,
I got two new clients.
A small amount of work.
A huge blessing!
Looking at what is trending on Twitter makes for an awful collection of words
12/12/2024
Dear Diary,
We spent three hours in the hospital, whilst C had their monthly session on a drip to boost their immunity..
On every floor of the hospital so many people patients, nurses, orderlies & doctors made eye contact.
The hospital is old in parts.
The medical waste gargantuan.
We sat C & I whilst the liquid dripped into her bloodstream, and talked about marriages, children, families.. we played music loudly in the car on the way back to C's and jigged around in our seats - a semblance of a car disco.
The next day I went to the blood bank - the option of donating plasma seemed like a good idea.
But my blood flow was slow, maybe I was dehydrated.
So they couldn't do the whole extraction.
I wanted to leave immediately - mortified that my body had failed me. But I felt faint and had to sit, drink a lot of fluids, eat salty snacks and be cared for by a team of such kind people that I cried.
10/12/2024
Dear Diary,
Yesterday we finished prepping the room for the overseas guest.
It looked great.
As we went through the house C showed me a photo-book that friends had made her.
Her wedding.
Nights out.
Different hairstyles and colours.
Striking C was - back in the day.
But really it was only a year or two ago.
So different to who I see each shift.
And yet still there.
6/12/2024
Dear Diary,
Today we went to the mall - a big one, lots of mirrors and lots of shops.
We score a great parking spot.. get the electric scooter out and off we go..
And just like that C becomes invisible..
Visibility returns only briefly when C can't navigate the scooter through small isles, or can not veer quickly to avoid someone who is on their phone and therefor not looking around them.
In the brief moments when visibility does return universally people assume an expression that is clouded with disdain.
Mobility Scooters Await The Men Grey Suits.
