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Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Lost Children

It was lost on my children Ruby and Jessica when I said to them:
Mummy is going to the Aldi supermarket to do a whole weeks shopping.

They didn’t say: 
But mummy, mummy, what if you bring home a wet suit, a cordless drill and extendable garden sheers,
instead of apples, oranges and bananas?

A funny thing happened on the way
to the Aldi supermarket in Preston.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

She looked at me.

We were at the dinner table the other night and James was doing that thing he always does: putting an enormous amount of food onto his fork.
He then put the enormous fork full of food into his mouth and he began to chew, bovine like.
Ruby looked at me, then looked at him, then looked back at me and asked:
"Is it doing it for you mum?"

Ruby is 16.
I have been married for 24 years.
No crumbs were harmed during the making of this joke.
Drawing a line in the crumbs